BORING NIGHT!!!!!!!!!!!!

i went to check my personaility disorder. and here are the results


Paranoid: Moderate
Schizoid: Low
Schizotypal: Moderate
Antisocial: High
Borderline: Low
Histrionic: Very High
Narcissistic: Very High
Avoidant: Low
Dependent: Low
Obsessive-Compulsive: Low

me????? an anti-social????? this is a major flaw... i got lotssssss of friends and i party a lot..... but does partying not a sign of being a social person?????? unbelievable

PMS, the tomato experience!

that's an ad line from (the home of new rock) NU107 and i havent figured out what this PMS means. PMS????!!!! premarital sex??? or something else??? to save myself for more brain damage due to thinking, lemme check the dictionary meaning........... hmmmmm... it sez, premenstrual syndrome. what?! that doesnt make sense!

ok... since i'm the boss here, from now on, PMS is short for premarital sex! are we clear on this??? if your small mind can't comprehend that then, you can always leave, hit ALT-F4 and just go. shooo fly, don't bother me... hey, that was on old nursery rhyme! i cant believe i still remember that. who am i talking to?! no one cares to read my blogs except me.

and what about the tomato??? well, to hell with it... i'm not an avid fan of vegies anyway......

going back to the ad line.... it sorta reminded me about our presentation about physical union (SEX, silly!) for my theology class... btw, we got a perfect rating on the 2 shows we made.... bravo! no applause, please.

and all my life, i've been taught that PMS, fornication, sex before marriage is a sin.... and sin means to go against the will of the whoever-the-true-god-is... in other words, to sin is to refuse love... get my drift??? if you dont, you can always read the paragraph over and over and over again.....

as i was saying, sin is to refuse love and PMS is sinful too....

there are many reasons why people engage in PMS. and more often than not, sex here is an expression of one's love for another person. it becomes a physical manifestation of that love which is so abstract and intangible. therefore, if we accept the definition of sin as the refusal of love, to reject PMS is a sin. or to rephrase it, engaging PMS is not a sin.

the theology instructor asked the class to reflect on this question: "why, up to now, i'm still not engaging in PMS?" that's not exactly how she said it but that's the idea....

it somehow got me into thinking... i have nothing against PMS. also, i dont mind staying a virgin until the first night. hey, you're confusing me.... what it's gonna be????

but if ever..... well, i chickened out last time. no, girl, you didnt chickened out... lemme remind you, you were teasing that older guy! he was just one of the many you feel like playing with. get the guys horny and skip... that's our motto in life. shut up! i didnt ask for your ideas..... let's just forget about that! cuz if we dont drop this topic, i'm gonna end up having the biggest fight with myself.

so, why am i still a virgin up to now???? my strong personality. how??? well, that's for me to know and for you to find out!

this is totally outrageous... almost an hour over the net and still nothing.... i doubt if everyone doesnt approved of PMS... cmon, most of the people i know is doing it... yeah! welll. except me, of course!

i'm currently looking for something helpful about physical union... you know, that something people enjoy.... SEX! but everything i've read so far are discouraging PMS.... who are these people to say what people should do!

this is probably a not so good day. i cant just sit around while everyone seems to be talking about one thing that should concern me. however, i dunno if i can actually raise some points.. not that i dont have the right to state my views... but i dont think i'm priviledged to do so... after all, i'm just a measely applicant. not yet a member. i hope i can transcend soon. but now, isnt the right time to do so.

i started my day right. i went to school at about 30 minutes pass the hour of 9... in short 9:30.

then i had my name listed bcuz i was to be interviewed for applying as a comelec commissioner in ateneo (de davao university). i think i did well... i dazzled the panel with my no-nonsense answers. although, everything i said seemed half-meant... the interview appeared to be an apathetic manifestation about what's goin on in my university. they asked me what my opinions, ideas, thoughts about the issues we face in the university.... to name a few of these issues, there are the :TFI, ROTC, the compulsory internet access, the bridging program.... i have my stands in these issues but since i'm applying as a commissioner.. i wouldnt be able to voice out things that matter to me

anyways, after that, i went to the aisec orientation.... have you heard of the aiesec? if not you can out their site aiesec and then, that was it... and here i am... i'm gettting tired so i might as well end some stuff... ciao!

i got these from a friend.. so i think i should at least try to answer it..... she it goes

I see: the blinking insertion point in my screen
I hate: loud-mouthed neanderthals who doesn't have any idea of what they're talking about; guys with long and seedy nails (eeugh!)
I miss: high school life!
I wonder: what it's like to live the lifestyle of the rich and famous
I find: joy in the sorrow of others
I want: set-up computer, dressed-up car, furnished house and a promising career
I regret: not being the best i can be... that i settle for average instead of striving for excellence
I need: a social life right about now. pronto!
I wish: i can fast-forward and rewind my life... you know, edit my life the way i want it to be
I fear: emotional attachment, failure, blood and not having friends
I hear: the sharp giggles of 2 immature ladies and they are so fuckin annoying
I love: poetry, music, perfectly manicured finger nails and painted toe nails
I smell: hugo boss dark blue. i wonder who's wearing that scent... cant seem to find its source. bet my bottom dollar, he's a hottie!
I crave: for book written by the great authors and CDs by my fave bands
I feel: totally wacky around this time of the day

When was the last time you...
Talked to an ex: never had a bf ever.. so i'm not qualified to answer this
Kissed someone: twas just experimental... prolly around september 2001. would you believe that?!
Were sarcastic: someone told me that i was supposed to be an outcast... oh? am i?
Laughed: not so long ago... when those aisecers were performing the aiesec dance... they look so... yummylicious
Cried: i tried to speak out my mind... mom got offended when i told her she shouldnt have gone back here and that's it..
Had a nightmare: can't remember... i usually have a good night sleep
Danced: it's been a while... i haven't been clubbing for months or maybe years
Smiled: i always smile! see... ;)
Bought something? my 3rd pen for the month... a Pilot GTEC C3. costs P57.50
Last book you read: 'my point... i do have one' by ellen degeneres
Last song you heard: plain morning by dashboard confessions
Last movie you saw: was it american beauty or glass house?
Last thing you had to drink: unbelievable... tequila during the class' christmas party.... geezzz... that was long ago
Last time you showered: this morning... in this side of the country, ppl shower at least once a day... i take a shower in the morning and another before i sleep
Last thing you ate: chicken sandwich and some chips

Do you...
Smoke: only when yielded by peer pressure
Do drugs: sometimes. i smoke pot or mized marijuana in hot noodles when suffering insomnia... i dont consider marijuana a drug but it's listed in the illegal drugs...
Live in the moment: i think so
Sleep with stuffed animals: no i dont keep stuffed toys in my room
Have sex: yes??? well... next question please! hehehehehe.... what do you think
Play an instrument: start to learn playing the guitar
Had a dream that keeps coming back: yeah, just one. it has this hedious looking house that gives me creeps
Believe there is life on other planets: there's a probability but i could just care less
Believe it's possible to remain faithful forever? yes and no... depends on the situation
Consider yourself tolerant of others: quite... only my family can make smokes come out of my ears and blood seep through every pore... (gilles, very well said!)
Remember your first love? i don't think i've ever been in love
Have any straight friends? yeah... but i have a coupla gay and lesbian friends
Read the newspaper? only the front page, business, sports and metro
Still love your first love? i love myself though
Believe in miracles: are there such things?
Have a favorite candy? mentos, the freshmaker and hershey's sweet tastetations
Wish on stars? i used to do that but not anymore... i like stargazing but wish on them is another thing
Believe in God: i'm not very religious myself but i do believe there's a supreme being who created all these things
Believe in magic: no. magic are those things created by weirdos to entertain people for a living and deceiving them at the same time
Believe in astrology? no but i read it for the heck of it
Like the taste of alcohol: oh yeah! slightly bitter and deliciously intoxicating
Hate yourself? no just some parts of it
Talk to strangers who IM you: sometimes but it all depends on my mood and who i'm with
Have any bad habits: talking to myself... oh come on we all do that.
Like your handwriting: yes, very much... but i'm beginning to think it's boring
Collect anything? pictures of myself
Have a secret crush? secret crush? allin. only bcuz i dont think he knows i have this crush on him
Have any piercings? ears
Have any tattoos: not yet but i'm planning to have one on the navel and at the back slightly above the waistline
Go to church: it's been a while
Have any pets: a cat named kimmi meow and a german shepherd we fondly call doggie
Wear hats: no. i got fabulous hairso why hide it
Pray: only when something extreme happens to me
Believe in ghosts: i havent seen one in a decade
Care about looks? yes, especially when i'm looking at some hot personality... on normal circumstances, people just have to be neat and clean
Believe in Satan: no. satan is just a mythical character created by these geniuses
Believe in witches? witches, for me, are those people who feels particularly close to nature... sorta environmentalists
Have a best friend: i got close friends but best friend??? i don't think so

affirmation for the week:
i can pass acctg by studying!

it's been a very depressing week. i think i almost had a nervous breakdown when i got my midterm exam back and saw a degrading 55/129 ---> 66%. from the looks of it, this is another 70 for advance acctg. first, prelim... now, this for midterm! i'm gettting really, really sick and tired of getting this grade.... and yet, i have no motivation to study! i got a very lenient prof who keeps on saying we can really do it, when in fact, i'm one of those who are in the verge of getting kicked out of the accountancy division. of course, i can't let that happen. i might as well die than be shifted to MA and disappoint my dad. see, this is my last year under my parent's overprotective custody and care. after i graduate, i'd be totally on my own. i'd be running my life my way. meaning, there's no way my folks are gonna make my decisions for me and making them look as if i made those decisions myself. until then, i should be in my best behavior and avoid anything that will jeopardize my plans.

question: do seeking one's independence and reaching one's dreams and living free mean being an ingrate to one's parents?

hmmm.... i don't think so. my parents bought me excellent education money could buy so they sent me to a very prestigious school, the ateneo de davao university at that. they put a roof over my head, fed me, clothed me.... they made it sure i wont be walking on my way to school. i was never deprived of the things i needed, though not much for the things i desired. most importantly, they taught me the great lessons in life i can never learn in the 4 walls of the classroom - to live life. i'm very thankful for these things they have done for my sake (which they have done out of their responsibility and obligation as my parents). however, i have my life to live, my dreams to actualize on my own. this should not be confused with being an ungrateful daughter bcuz i will always be their daughter as they are my parents.

question: how to show gratitude to one's parents?

i remember a philosophy article on existentialism by jean paul sarte saying that freedom is not about choosing for one's self alone... we carry the burden of responsibility for others as well. therefore, we also choose for everybody's welfare. i think, my choices might be as selfish as i am but along with it is responsibility. i dont think i'm capable of making a decision that will impair my already impaired relationship with my parents.

i never thought i felt so strongly about freedom and independence. and although, i have always wanted to be on my own... i always fine myself at the mercy of my parents.

maybe... experiences and education will help me get this over. therefore, no matter what i believe in, i still have to pass my acctg. any suggestions?