The Outsider by Mono

I will never witness your love again
I will never witness your love again

I will never knew the stranger in you
I will never knew the stranger in you

The stranger the stranger the stranger ....

I will not surrender my life for you
I will not surrender my life for you

You only see the sadness in me
I never knew the stranger in you

The stranger the stranger the stranger ....



notus: in as much as i like the song, this song goes out to someone i am beginning to despise. i don't like the fact that he's cyber-stalking me. he believes what he assumes and asserts it to be the whole truth. any more attempts to get to know me more will be futile. i'm bad-ass, i know.

Road Rage by Catatonia

If all you've got to do today is find peace of mind
Come round you can take a piece of mine
And if all you've got to do today is hesitate,
Come here, you can leave it late with me.
You could be taking it easy on yourself
You should be making it easy on yourself
Cause you and I know,
It's all over the front page, you give me road rage,
Racing through the best days,
It's up to you boy you're driving me crazy,
Thinking you may be losing your mind.
If all you've got to prove today is your innocence,
Calm down, you're as guilty as can be,
If all you've got to lose alludes to yesterday,
Yesterday's through, now do anything you please.
You could be taking it easy on yourself
You should be making it easy on yourself
Cause you and I know,
It's all over the front page, you give me road rage,
Racing through the best days,
It's up to you boy you're driving me crazy,
Thinking you may be losing your mind.
You're losing your mind.
You, you've been racing through the best days
You, you've been racing through the best days.
Space age, road rage, fast lane,
And if all you've got to do today is find peace of mind
Come here, you can take a piece of mine.
You could be taking it easy on yourself
You should be making it easy on yourself
Cause you and I know,
It's all over the front page, you give me road rage,
Racing through the best days,
It's up to you boy you're driving me crazy,
Thinking you may be losing your mind.
But you and I know,
We all live in the space age, coming down with road rage,
Racing through the best days
It's up to you boy you're driving me crazy,
Thinking you may be losing your mind.
It's not over, it's not over, it's not over,
It's not over, it's not over, it's not over, you and I know
We all live in the space age, you give me road rage,
Racing to the best days
It's up to you boy you're driving me crazy,
Thinking you may be losing your mind.
Losing your mind



notus: remembering jackie.

A Long December by Counting Crows

A long December and there’s reason to believe
Maybe this year will be better than the last
I can’t remember the last thing you said as you were leavin’
Now the days go by so fast


And it’s one more day up in the canyons
And it’s one more night in Hollywood
If you think that I could be forgiven... I wish you would


The smell of hospitals in winter
And the feeling that it’s all a lot of oysters, but no pearls
All at once you look across a crowded room
To see the way that light attaches to a girl


And it’s one more day up in the canyons
And it’s one more night in Hollywood
If you think you might come to California... I think you should


Drove up to the Hillside Manor sometime after two a.m.
And talked a little while about the year
I guess the winter makes you laugh a little slower,
Makes you talk a little lower about the things you could not show her


And it’s been a long December and there’s no reason to believe
Maybe this year will be better that the last
I can’t remember all the times I tried to tell myself
To hold on to these moments as they pass


And it’s one more day up in the canyon
And it’s one more night in Hollywood
It’s been so long since I’ve seen the ocean... I guess I should



notus: still here, still standing.

Delicate by Damien Rice

We might kiss when we are alone
When nobody's watching
We might take it home
We might make out when nobody's there
It's not that we're scared
It's just that it's delicate

So why do you fill my sorrow
With the words you've borrowed
From the only place you've know
And why do you sing Hallelujah
If it means nothing to you
Why do you sing with me at all?

We might live like never before
When there's nothing to give
Well how can we ask for more
We might make love in some sacred place
The look on your face is delicate

So why do you fill my sorrow
With the words you've borrowed
From the only place you've know
And why do you sing Hallelujah
If it means nothing to you
Why do you sing with me at all?

So why do you fill my sorrow
With the words you've borrowed
From the only place you've know
And why do you sing Hallelujah
If it means nothing to you
Why do you sing with me at all?



notus: for him. i think he knows who he is.

Teardrop by Massive Attack

Love, love is a verb
Love is a doing word
Fearless on my breath
Gentle impulsion
Shakes me makes me lighter
Fearless on my breath

Teardrop on the fire
Fearless on my breath

Nine night of matter
Black flowers blossom
Fearless on my breath
Black flowers blossom
Fearless on my breath

Teardrop on the fire
Fearless on my breath

Water is my eye
Most faithful mirror
Fearless on my breath
Teardrop on the fire of a confession
Fearless on my breath
Most faithful mirror
Fearless on my breath

Teardrop on the fire
Fearless on my breath

Stumbling a little
Stumbling a little



notus: do fearless people cry?

9 crimes by damien rice

leave me out with the waste this is not what i do
it's the wrong kind of place to be thinking of you
it's the wrong time for somebody new
it's a small crime and i got no excuse
and is that alright yeah?
i give my gun away when it's loaded
is that alright yeah?
if you don't shoot it how am i supposed to hold it?
is that alright yeah?
i give my gun away when it's loaded
is that alright yeah, with you?
leave me out with the waste this is not what i do
it's the wrong kind of place to be cheating on you
it's the wrong time she's pulling me through
it's a small crime and i got no excuse
and is that alright yeah?
if i give my gun away when it's loaded
is that alright yeah?
if you don't shoot it how am i supposed to hold it?
is that alright yeah?
i give my gun away when it's loaded
is that alright?
is that alright with you?
is that alright yeah?
if i give my gun away when it's loaded
is that alright yeah?
if you don't shoot it how am i supposed to hold it?
is that alright yeah?
i give my gun away when it's loaded
is that alright
is that alright with you
and is that alright yeah?
is that alright
is that alright
is that alright with you?
no?



notus: is that alright?

Between the Bars by Elliot Smith

Drink up baby
Stay up all night
With the things you could do
You won't but you might
The potential you'll be
But you'll never see
The promises you'll only make
Drink up with me now
And forget all about
The pressure of days
Do what I say
And I'll make you okay
Drive them away
The images stuck in your head
People you've been before
That you don't want around anymore
That push and shove and won't bend to your will
I'll keep them still
Drink up baby
Look at the stars
I'll kiss you again
Between the bars
Where I'm seeing you there
With your hands in the air
Waiting to finally be caught
Drink up one more time
And I'll make you mine
Keep you apart
Deep in my heart
Separate from the rest
Where I like you the best
And keep the things you forgot
The people you've been before
That you don't want around anymore
That push and shove and won't bend to your will
I'll keep them still



notus: for my sister, dershey. a toast to your freedom. finally.

My Sister by Juliana Hatfield

I hate my sister, she's such a bitch.
She acts as if she doesnt even know that I exist.
But I would do anything to let her know I care.
But I am only talking to myself cos she isnt there.

My sister, I love my sister, she's the best.
Shes cooler than any other girl that I have ever met.
She had the greatest band, she had the greatest guy.
Shes good at everything and doesnt even try.

Shes got a wall around her nobody can climb.
She lets her ladder down for those who really shine.
I tried to scale it, but to me she's blind.
So I lit a firecracker, went off in my eye.

I miss my sister, why'd she go?
Shes the one who would have taken me
To my first all-ages show.
It was the Violent Femmes and the Del Fuegos,
Before they had a record out. before they went gold,
And started to grow.

I miss my sister. I miss my sister.
I miss my sister. I really miss her.



notus: sheee dershey! this would've been her song for me... hehehe

A Lack of Color by Death Cab for Cutie

And when I see you
I really see you upside down
But my brain knows better
It picks you up and turns you around
Turns you around
Turns you around

If you feel discouraged
When there's a lack of color here
Please don't worry lover
It's really bursting at the seams
Absorbing everything
The spectrum's A to Z

This is fact not fiction
For the first time in years
And the girls in every girlie magazine
Can't make me feel any less alone

I'm reaching for the phone
To call at 7:03
And on your machine
I slur a plea for you to come home
But I know it's too late
I should have given you a reason to stay
Given you a reason to stay
Given you a reason to stay
Given you a reason to stay

This is fact not fiction
For the first time in years



Notus: "this is fact not fiction... for the first time in years." i am imagining that i love ethan. i really do.

six underground by sneaker pimps

Take me down, 6 underground,
The ground beneath your feet,
Laid out low, nothing to go
Nowhere a way to meet
I've got a head full of drought,
Down here, so faroff losing out
Round here,

Overground, watch this space,
Im open to falling from grace

Calm me down, bring it round
Too way high off your street
I can see like nothing else
In me youre better than I wannabe
Dont think cos I understand,
I care, dont think cos Im talking were friends,

Overground, watch this space,
I'm open to falling from grace

Talk me down, safe and sound
Too strung up to sleep
Wear me out, scream and shout
Swear my times never cheap
I fake my life like Ive lived
Too much, I take whatever youre given
Not enough,

Overground, watch this space,
I'm open to falling from grace


notus: Nap is distracting me. I'm letting Ethan go... hell, how can i let go of someone who was never mine?

Dark Blue by Jack's Mannequin

I have (I have) you breathing down my neck (breathing down my neck)
I don't (don't know) what you could possibly expect under this condition so
I'll wait (I'll wait) for the ambulance to come (ambulance to come)
Pick us up off the floor
What did you possibly expect under this condition so

Slow down.. this night's a perfect shade of
Dark blue (dark blue)
Have you ever been alone in a crowded room when I'm here with you
I said the world could be burning down
Dark blue (dark blue)
Have you ever been alone in a crowded room well I'm here with you
I said the world could be burning 'til there's nothing but dark blue..
Just dark blue

This flood (this flood) is slowly rising up swallowing the ground
Beneath my feet, Tell me how anybody thinks under this condition so
I'll swim (I'll swim) as the water rises up, the sun is sinking down
And now all I can see are the planets in a row
Suggesting it's best that I slow down

This night's a perfect shade of
Dark blue (dark blue)
Have you ever been alone in a crowded room when I'm here with you
I said the world could be burning (burning) down
Dark blue (dark blue)
Have you ever been alone in a crowded room well I'm here with you
I said the world could be burning dark blue

We were boxing
We were boxing the stars
We were boxing (we were boxing)
You were swinging for Mars
And then the water reached the West Coast
And took the power lines (the power lines)
And it was me and you (this could last forever)
And the whole town under water
There was nothing we could do
It was dark blue

Dark blue (dark blue)
Have you ever been alone in a crowded room well I'm here with you
I said the world could be burning (burning) down
Dark blue
Have you ever been alone in a crowded room well I'm here with you
I said the room could be burning now there's nothing but dark blue

If you've ever been alone in the dark blue
If you've ever been alone you'll know (you'll know)



notus: thanks for the music, armi! i wish you well in NJ. see you down the road.

Irreplaceable by Beyonce Knowles

To the left
To the left
To the left
To the left
To the left
To the left
Everything you own in the box to the left
In the closet that's my stuff - Yes
If I bought it nigga please don't touch
And keep talking that mess, that's fine
But could you walk and talk at the same time
And It's my mine name that is on that Jag
So remove your bags let me call you a cab

Standing in the front yard telling me
How I'm such a fool - Talking about
How I'll never ever find a man like you
You got me twisted

You must not know about me
You must not know about me
I could have another you in a minute
matter fact he'll be here in a minute - baby

You must not know about me
You must not know about me
I can have another you by tomorrow
So don't you ever for a second get to thinking you're irreplaceable

So go ahead and get gone
And call up on that chick and see if she is home
Oops, I bet ya thought that I didn't know
What did you think I was putting you out for?
Cause you was untrue
Rolling her around in the car that I bought you
Baby you dropped them keys hurry up before your taxi leaves
Standing in the front yard telling me
How I am such a fool - Talking about
How I'll never ever find a man like you
You got me twisted

You must not know about me
You must not know about me
I could have another you in a minute
matter fact he'll be here in a minute - baby
You must not know about me
You must not know about me
I will have another you by tomorrow



notus: an NY song. to New York City and the love found and lost in the Big Apple.

Transatlanticism by Death Cab for Cutie

The Atlantic was born today, and I'll tell you how:
The clouds above opened up and let it out.

I was standing on the surface of a perforated sphere
When the water filled every hole.
And thousands upon thousands made an ocean,
Making islands where no island should go.
Oh no.

Most people were overjoyed; they took to their boats.
I thought it less like a lake and more like a moat.
The rhythm of my footsteps crossing floodlands to your door
Have been silenced forever more.
The distance is quite simply much too far for me to row
It seems farther than ever before
Oh no.

I need you so much closer [x8]

I need you so much closer [x4]

So come on, come on [x4]


notus: omigod, is ethan jan david's foreign version? am i drawn to him THIS much bcuz he is so much like dave? from indie music to just being the way he is? have i told you that ethan likes old movies (just the popular ones) too? i dunno if he is as head over heels crazy about Audrey Hepburn as dave is though... their only difference is that dave's a jesusfreak. ethan is agnostic.

The Crane Wife 1 & 2 by The Decemberists

[1]

It was a cold night
And the snow lay low
I pulled my coat tight
Against the falling down
And the sun was all
And the sun was all down
And the sun was all
And the sun was all down

I am a poor man
I haven't wealth nor fame
I have my two hands
And a house to my name
And the winter's so
And the winter's so long
And the winter's so
And the winter's so long

And all the stars were crashing 'round
As I laid eyes on what I'd found

It was a white crane
It was a helpless thing
Upon a red stain
With an arrow its wing
And it called and cried
And it called and cried so
And it called and cried
And it called and cried so

And all the stars were crashing 'round
As I laid eyes on what I'd found
My crane wife, my crane wife
My crane wife, my crane wife

Now I helped her
And I dressed her wounds
And how I held her
Beneath the rising moon
And she stood to fly
And she stood to fly away
And she stood to fly
She stood to fly away

And all the stars were crashing 'round
As I laid eyes on what I'd found
My crane wife, my crane wife
My crane wife, my crane wife

[2]

My crane wife arrived at my door in the moonlight
All star bright and tongue-tied I took her in
We were married and bells rang sweet for our wedding
And our bedding was ready when we fell in

The sound of the keening bell
To see its pain erect
Soft as fontenelle
The feathers and the thread
And all I ever meant to do was to keep you
My crane wife
My crane wife
My crane wife

We were poorly, our fortunes fading hourly
And how she loved me, she could bring it back
But I was greedy, I was vain and I forced her to weaving
On a cold loom, in a closed room down the hall

The sound of the keening bell
And to see its pain erect
Soft as fontenelle
The feathers and the thread
And all I ever meant to do was to keep you
My crane wife
My crane wife

There's a bend in the wind and it rakes at my heart
There is blood in the thread and it rakes at my heart
It rakes at my heart

My crane wife

The Crane Wife 3 by The Decemberists

And under the bowsunbelle
I'll hold in the snowy shroud
She had no heart so hardened
All under the bowsunbelle

Each feather it fell from skin
'Till thread bare and she grew thin
How were my eyes so blinded?
Each feather it fell from skin

And I will hang my head, hang my head low
And I will hang my head, hang my head low

Her grey sky with bitter skin
A rain cloud rain on me
All out behind horizon, oh
A grey sky of bitter skin

And I will hang my head, hang my head low
And I will hang my head, hang my head low


notus: for the time well spent. for the laughter. for the streets of downtown and midtown manhattan that we walked on. for the shared sheets. for the music. for the coffee. for the tears. for the love found and lost in New York. for ethan.

the world is not enough by garbage

I know how to hurt
I know how to heal
I know what to show
And what to conceal
I know when to talk
And I know when to touch
No one ever died from wanting too much

The world is not enough
But it is such a perfect place to start, my love
And if you're strong enough
Together we can take the world apart, my love

People like us
Know how to survive
There's no point in living
If you can't feel alive
We know when to kiss
And we know when to kill
If we can't have it all
Then nobody will

The world is not enough
But it is such a perfect place to start, my love
And if you're strong enough
Together we can take the world apart, my love

I feel safe
I feel scared
I feel ready
And yet unprepared
The world is not enough
But it is such a perfect place to start, my love
And if you're strong enough
Together we can take the world apart, my love

The world is not enough
The world is not enough
No Nowhere near enough,
The world is not enough



notus: oh, when will i ever be satisfied? never. people like ethan are not toys. i want him so badly but i know i have to stop myself from ruining him. he deserves the best. argh!

Cool by Gwen Stefani

It's hard to remember how it felt before
Now I found the love of my life...
Passes things get more comfortable
Everything is going right

And after all the obstacles
It's good to see you now with someone else
And it's such a miracle that you and me are still good
friends
After all that we've been through
I know we're cool

We used to think it was impossible
Now you call me by my new last name
Memories seem like so long ago
Time always kills the pain

Remember Harbor Boulevard
The dreaming days where the mess was made
Look how all the kids have grown
We have changed but we're still the same
After all that we've been through
I know we're cool

And I'll be happy for you
If you can be happy for me
Circles and triangles, and now we're hangin' out with your new
girlfriend
So far from where we've been
I know we're cool


notus: for ed... who else?!

Lemon Tree by Fool's Garden

I'm sitting here in a boring room it's just another rainy
Sunday afternoon I'm wasting my time I got nothing to do
I'm hanging around I'm waiting for you
But nothing ever happens- and I wonder

I'm driving around in my car I'm driving too fast
I'm driving too far I'd like to change my point of view
I feel so lonely I'm waiting for you
But nothing ever happens- and I wonder

I wonder how I wonder why yesterday you told me
'bout the blue blue sky and all tall that I can see is just a yellow lemon-tree
I'm turning my head up and down
I'm turning turning turning turning turning around
And all that I can see is just another lemon-tree

I'm sitting here I miss the power I'd like to go out
taking a shower but there's a heavy cloud in side my head
I feel so tired put myself into bed where nothing
ever happens- and I wonder

Isolation - is not good for me
Insolation - I don't want to sit on a lemon-tree
I'm steppin' around in a desert of joy Baby anyhow I'll get another toy and every thing will happen-and you'll wonder

I wonder how I wonder..



notus: this is a really fun song. pretty much like me when i am uber bored --- i wonder.

Secretly by Skunk Anansie

I've been biding my time
Been so subtly kind
I got to think so selfishly
'Cos you're the face inside of me

I've been biding my days
You see evidently it pays
I've been a friend
With unbiased views
Then secretly lust after you

So now he's gone rusty
You're bored and bemused
You wanna do someone else
So you should be by yourself
Instead of here with me
Secretly

Trying hard to think pure
Bloody hard when I'm raw
You talking out so sexually
'bout boys 'n girls and your friggin' dreams
So now you feel lusty
You're hot and confused
So now you've been busted
You're caught feeling used

You had to do someone else
You should've been by yourself
Instead of here with me
Secretly
Secretly



notus: i've been a friend with unbiased views then secretly lust after you...

athena by marry me jane

Nothin' really makes sense
the azure in the sky
never had it on my wish list
It caught me by surprise
All we needed was a river to follow
and fall in

Lay down Athena
in your sea of wine
Lay down Athena
lay down tonight
and fall

Looking through the wrong lens
with shadows in my eyes
You were hiding in the open
standing by my side
All we needed was a river to follow
and dance in

Lay down Athena
in your sea of wine
Lay down Athena
lay down lay down

Crimson river we follow
(we collide, we collide)
We'll be safe in tomorrow
(we glide, we rise, we rise)

Lay down Athena
in your sea of wine
Lay down Athena
Lay down tonight and fall



notus: this is for raeny fairy who'll be off to piyayaland. may she find what she's looking for.

drive-by kiss by the dambuilders

i still see the two of us together
when the winter wind blows cold
you can't get lost as long as you remember
if you know where the highway goes

i may never find out where it is
but i might reach you with a drive-by kiss

and its wrong to think about forever
when you know it doesn't last
but if you try to run away from your memory
you can't ever drive too fast

you may never find out who it is
but i might reach you with a drive-by kiss

and it's a sad way
to say hello
but if you sleep it off,
will you let me know?

say good-bye
but don't let me go

i may never find out where it is
but i might reach you with a drive-by kiss
say good-bye to part of me i miss
with a drive-by kiss

i didn't know it would come to this
i hope i can say what i never did
with a drive-by kiss



notus: this is for ed. this is for the times i can no longer spend with him... for the thoughts left unsaid... for things left undone. he may be off with someone else but i hope he remembers me. yes, it went pretty fast. i can just seal everything with a drive-by kiss.